Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
