Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
