Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
