she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Drunk is not a location!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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