I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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