Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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