I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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