First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
