she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
