i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
