The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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