We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
