I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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