Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
