oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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