i think my mom watched the whole time
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
