If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
