Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
