You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I checked into jail on foursquare
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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