meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
