I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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