I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
