pop tarts are not kleenex
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize