if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
