So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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