i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
