Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Do you still have your period?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
