that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Will exercising make me less horny?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
