the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
