somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
