shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
