Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
