Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
