I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just found a bag of teeth...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
