That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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