Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
