I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
