well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
