you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
