Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
