I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
