he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize