We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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