I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
