No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
