My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
