Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize