I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
