i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize