I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
