I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
