I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
