I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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