just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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