so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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