WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
