I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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