Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
