You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
