And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize