Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
