I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize