3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
