I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He better not be in your backpack
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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