she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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