why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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