textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize