these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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