you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
