CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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