Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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