can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
