While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
