It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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