and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
