i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
