Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize