You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
