We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
