it's like iHOP with fire
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
