Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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