Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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