AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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