we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
4 words: hood of his car
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
