why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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