Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
