do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
