It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
