alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
