Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
